Hooked On Shagging?
*DING* iMessage from Tinder Hottie
Tinder Hottie: Hey, wanna go on a date tonight? I'm finally free! - Sent @ 5:00 PM
Me: Yeah I know a really good pizza place, we could go at 8? -Sent @ 5:12 PM
Tinder Hottie: Sure! Afterward, wanna go back to my place? You can stay the night 😜🍆 -Sent @ 5:30
Me: Or we could like go to the movies, or I could take you out to dinner? It's our first date... - Sent @ 6:45 PM
Tinder Hottie: Sooooooo you don't wanna? I mean I guess we can go on a date. I just wasn't expecting that - Sent @ 7:00 PM
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Any of you guys ever experience this? Getting enough courage to finally ask that Guy or Gal that you've been crushing on and you get a reply asking to have some kind of sexual intent behind it? You don't really know how to respond, but if you don't, he or she will move on in a heartbeat. It's a nerve-racking, anxiety-inducing, confidence-boosting/crushing (depending on the outcome) event. Yet at least for our generation. This is how life works.
Nash's Perspective:
I was raised with the idea of chivalry. That when trying to date someone or really just in everyday life, you should be courteous, open doors, be polite, etc. Treat humans how I would want to be treated. I'm twenty and yes I want sex but not until I get to know the Significant Other more than just over text.
In previous generations, the hook-up culture was still there. Just not how it is today. In today society's the idea of marriage is ludicrous. We aren't our parents, and we sure aren't our grandparents. We've been growing up in a society that isn't really suited for true love and being together with someone for the rest of your life just sounds terrifying.
Marriage first was used as a business transaction between two people. I don't mean here in the United States but all over the world. It wasn't meant for love. It was meant to be a contract between two wealthy families to hold their positions in the life they have worked on from an early start. Then it evolved not only for the sole use of contract weddings but for the idea of "love" in religion. Essentially religions like Christianity took the idea of a marriage between two people and included the emotion of love as an attachment. It was molded from a business transaction into something more. Something that was meant for not only the rich but someone of lower standards in society. Then recently. It evolved again. Anyone within the LGBTQ (at least in the united states until 2015) community couldn't even think of getting married because it wasn't allowed. We were considered of in a way as untouchables, the outcast of our country. Once it was legalized, we used it as a way to gain rights to the ones we loved. Don't be confused here though. We want to get married for the idea of love and being together forever, but secretly we want the safety net of knowing we have rights that include the ones we love.
So now that we got that out of the way. I can really get to the Knitty Gritty of the hook-up culture. I personally am not into the hook-up culture, but I am here for it with other people. Sounds a little contradicting right? Well look at it this way, I like the idea of dating. I love the idea of trying to show your affection. I like the idea of the "chase" if you even wanna call it that. I want a challenge. Not someone who is just going to jump into bed with me when I snap my fingers. All this means is I'm not emotionally built for the idea of having sex regarding a one night stand or friends with benefits. This doesn't mean that people aren't made for it. Relationships are emotionally taxing, and sometimes it's just too much to handle. So why not have a little fun with your journey? The idea of having just sex is really cool to me. The science behind sex probably would support it too. Not only are you burning a lot of calories but you're also releasing extreme amounts of dopamine and oxytocin. Then endorphins also get released so not only do you FEEL better but you also are increasing a natural pain reliever inside the body. This sounds pretty awesome as I'm typing this, but does this mean that I should jump into it? Nope, it just means that the science is backing this idea up. The thing that worries me about this type of thinking though is do Y'all really think about the emotional repercussions of that event? Take me for example. Say I finally decided to try it. Would it make me feel wrong or empower me? I don't know. If y'all have figured this out then congrats because I'm struggling. All I really hope for is that whoever is truly down for the idea of just hooking up. Please not only think about yourself and the fun you will be having but also about the other individual. If you think he or she isn't really ready for it but they're afraid to say it. Just be nice and say its okay, and that it doesn't have to happen. Don't be selfish. Even though it's hooking up, it doesn't mean it has to be emotionless.
Alyssa's perspective:
Ooof this is such an interesting topic especially for two college kids to talk about. I mean we're in college so all we do is sleep around right? In some cases yes, it do be like that, in others like mine it really don't be like that. It's really hard for me to pinpoint the exact reason why I don't like the idea of casual sex but I don't. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it is very clear that I do, and I have a lot of trust issues so I have trouble with the idea of getting intimate with when I barely know them. Don't get me wrong, I like sex like REALLY like sex but I have personal morals that aren't gonna just let me have sex with a stranger. However I'm not saying its wrong if you do, but I have a few questions for you, for example, how does one have sex with someone without an emotional connection, is it the desire for being touched, the satisfaction of attention, or are you just bored? Is it because it's so socially normative to do it? or is it because its the exact opposite of what your parents want you to do?
In previous generations, the hook-up culture was still there. Just not how it is today. In today society's the idea of marriage is ludicrous. We aren't our parents, and we sure aren't our grandparents. We've been growing up in a society that isn't really suited for true love and being together with someone for the rest of your life just sounds terrifying.
Marriage first was used as a business transaction between two people. I don't mean here in the United States but all over the world. It wasn't meant for love. It was meant to be a contract between two wealthy families to hold their positions in the life they have worked on from an early start. Then it evolved not only for the sole use of contract weddings but for the idea of "love" in religion. Essentially religions like Christianity took the idea of a marriage between two people and included the emotion of love as an attachment. It was molded from a business transaction into something more. Something that was meant for not only the rich but someone of lower standards in society. Then recently. It evolved again. Anyone within the LGBTQ (at least in the united states until 2015) community couldn't even think of getting married because it wasn't allowed. We were considered of in a way as untouchables, the outcast of our country. Once it was legalized, we used it as a way to gain rights to the ones we loved. Don't be confused here though. We want to get married for the idea of love and being together forever, but secretly we want the safety net of knowing we have rights that include the ones we love.
So now that we got that out of the way. I can really get to the Knitty Gritty of the hook-up culture. I personally am not into the hook-up culture, but I am here for it with other people. Sounds a little contradicting right? Well look at it this way, I like the idea of dating. I love the idea of trying to show your affection. I like the idea of the "chase" if you even wanna call it that. I want a challenge. Not someone who is just going to jump into bed with me when I snap my fingers. All this means is I'm not emotionally built for the idea of having sex regarding a one night stand or friends with benefits. This doesn't mean that people aren't made for it. Relationships are emotionally taxing, and sometimes it's just too much to handle. So why not have a little fun with your journey? The idea of having just sex is really cool to me. The science behind sex probably would support it too. Not only are you burning a lot of calories but you're also releasing extreme amounts of dopamine and oxytocin. Then endorphins also get released so not only do you FEEL better but you also are increasing a natural pain reliever inside the body. This sounds pretty awesome as I'm typing this, but does this mean that I should jump into it? Nope, it just means that the science is backing this idea up. The thing that worries me about this type of thinking though is do Y'all really think about the emotional repercussions of that event? Take me for example. Say I finally decided to try it. Would it make me feel wrong or empower me? I don't know. If y'all have figured this out then congrats because I'm struggling. All I really hope for is that whoever is truly down for the idea of just hooking up. Please not only think about yourself and the fun you will be having but also about the other individual. If you think he or she isn't really ready for it but they're afraid to say it. Just be nice and say its okay, and that it doesn't have to happen. Don't be selfish. Even though it's hooking up, it doesn't mean it has to be emotionless.
Alyssa's perspective:
Ooof this is such an interesting topic especially for two college kids to talk about. I mean we're in college so all we do is sleep around right? In some cases yes, it do be like that, in others like mine it really don't be like that. It's really hard for me to pinpoint the exact reason why I don't like the idea of casual sex but I don't. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it is very clear that I do, and I have a lot of trust issues so I have trouble with the idea of getting intimate with when I barely know them. Don't get me wrong, I like sex like REALLY like sex but I have personal morals that aren't gonna just let me have sex with a stranger. However I'm not saying its wrong if you do, but I have a few questions for you, for example, how does one have sex with someone without an emotional connection, is it the desire for being touched, the satisfaction of attention, or are you just bored? Is it because it's so socially normative to do it? or is it because its the exact opposite of what your parents want you to do?
To go back to my point of do I support or oppose the hook-up culture, my initial answer would be no, but that's me basing my decision off of what I want for myself. For me, sex means too much to just do it with anyone, however, who am I to judge other peoples life choices. If someone can have sex with someone and honestly say they have zero emotional connection with them, first off are you okay? like, do you wanna talk about it? and second off, good for you. As Nash said sex is good for the body so like the more the merrier right? So even though I don't want to participate in the hook-up culture I don't think its wrong for anyone who does. The only thing that I really don't like is the expectation that everyone is so involved with the hookup culture that its implied that you want sex on the first date, or even before you really get to know them.
Now that I've made my point in why I don't want to participate I need to add a disclaimer. Even though I don't want to participate doesn't mean I haven't. Just recently I went on a date (that I met on tinder) and on the first night we clicked so well and ended up having sex which is super unusual for me but I was really feeling the connection and definitely saw it going somewhere. The problem I had with it is that the other person saw it as just having sex and I considered it the start of a relationship which is why I disagree with the whole idea of the hook-up culture, which again is only basing my decision off of my own experiences. I live in my emotions too much and I'm very observant so I notice every little detail and I read into it too much which makes reading mixed signals way too true.
Consensus:
There is no right answer on if "hooking up" is right or wrong, it is never really that easy to define a topic. I believe that the Hook-up culture is best divided on whether or not one participates rather than if its right or wrong. I think that this is such a controversial topic because of the way each generation thinks of relationships, again we are not our parents and our generation is so diverse and so busy that we consider the hookups enough to satisfy our needs. This idea is so different than previous generations but if we think about it they had more time in their day to find their significant others in comparison to us. But even within our generation, there is a lot of controversy with this topic and that also branches from how we were raised and our lifestyles. However, this doesn't give us an excuse to not put an effort in trying to find something more. To say the least, when participating in casual sex, I would suggest thinking about what could have come (no pun intended) from the event and what was the reason it was only casual? Either having sex on the first date or waiting until marriage, everyone is different just like any other aspect in society so don't beat yourself up for it but also don't neglect the feelings just because you're trying to pass time because sometimes IT JUST BE LIKE THAT.
*Now that we have shared our opinions as college kids; how do the rest of our generation and or other generations perceive this idea? We want to know how this has changed throughout the years and I'm sure we missed some points so please share any comments, ideas, and even experiences because I'm sure there is a lot Y'all know and we don't. Also don't be afraid to message us on our social media to give us some new ideas for the blog!*
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