The Codex of Besties
Is there a secret code that we follow among our friend groups? If so could you enlighten us on the rules? Guys and Girls please and thank you! In any romantic comedy, it is not unusual to see the main characters ex-boyfriend/girlfriend date their best friend. Which can be a great plot for a movie but how well does it actually play out in real life? In this situation, we often don't think about the timing or even the emotional repercussions among the friend group.
I'm gonna break it down real simple: Is dating your best friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend right or wrong?
Alyssa's Perspective:
Oofda doofda, well this is a topic that hits really close to home. Personally, I don't think it is okay to date your best friend's ex. I think that if I were dating my best friend's ex, it would not only be making it awkward for my best friend but also everyone involved. If you're dating your best friend's ex, who do you talk to about the relationship without crossing the line? Do you keep things from your best friend or do you just cut them off completely? I wouldn't be able to date my best friend's ex, but maybe that's just me putting other peoples feelings before mine.
With that being said I want to say that what I do personally isn't my only view on the topic. There are certain situations where I would say its okay to date a friends ex and when it's definitely not okay.
The list of times when it is okay to date your best friend's ex: When they know of your intentions and have confirmed that they are okay with it, when they are no longer in contact with that ex, it was a mutual breakup, or if everyone is still friends with the ex. In all of these scenarios, I think it would be okay to date the ex. However, it really depends on how comfortable everyone is because is it really worth it if there is a chance that you're going to lose your BEST friend? In some friend groups drama like this happens all the time and works out but I'm not that faithful in humanity. So here's the list of when you probably shouldn't date your best friends ex: If it was a messy break up, the ex cheated on them, they are still caught up on the ex, right after the breakup (as in the next day), or when you have to hide it from your best friend.
The reason I categorize this into when it is okay and when it's not is because I understand the whole staying in your comfort zone especially when the friend group is small. For example, there is a lot of interchanging dating within a friend group that identifies as LGBT and the reason for this, is that people get comfortable with each other and it's very likely that these people in the friend group are the only open LGBT people they know. Lol in my situation its really easy to see your ex dating someone else in your friend group and I'm not sure if this is because we all just got to college or most lesbians do this? But back to why I think its wrong to date your best friend's ex, In all honesty, I am super biased in this situation because I just saw this happen to someone I care for deeply. The way the ex and the best friend went about it really alters my view on this topic.
For anyone reading this: If you have to hide your relationship from your best friend in fear of losing your friendship is it really a good idea? Also if you do end up hiding it and your best friend finds out, don't try to play the victim and make it seem like it's not a big deal because there are other peoples feelings to take in consideration. Bottom line is don't be a shitty person and expect everything to be fine.
Nash's Perspective:
So first let me start off with, if you don't know by now, I take a poll on Instagram of the question at hand the day before we post. (So follow me!) This is just to see what everyone thinks of the topic before my sister, and I respond. The results as of right now are: Yes - 27%//No - 73%. So by the looks of it. Y'all might agree with my sister. Here are my thoughts though,
1st I need to make a point that I do not believe in the whole "Girl Code, Bro Code" BS. Bro's before hoes and the female version of it is stupid. Now when it comes to dating via friends and exes. No finite answer can just solve all of our problems. Its a really loaded question that in some way shape or form can go off like a loaded gun at any moment within a friend group.
My thoughts are that it is 100% based on the circumstance that comes along with the break-up. So as the friend who is thinking about dating the ex. These are the questions that I would ask myself if I was in that type of situation. 1: How long ago did they break-up? 2: How long were they together? 3: Was the break-up mutual or onesided? 4: Is the ex crazy? 5: How does the friend feel about you dating the ex?
Here is how I would go to answering these questions. If they broke up six months or less, don't go for it. Each person deals with a break-up differently but six months is okay depending on the answer to the second question. Now if they were together for say 5 years, I would wait longer because that's a lot of time to be with someone and so it may take longer to get over them. If the break-up was a mutual thing, then there are no hard feelings, but you should keep both of the parties still in mind and not just yourself. I'ma just say this real quick. IF THE EX IS CRAZY. STAY AWAY. THEY SINGLE FOR A REASON. TOXICITY DOSENT BELONG IN ANYONE'S LIFE OKAY. Finally, just talk to the friend. They know more about how they feel than anyone else. If y'all are truly best friends then it should be an open conversation and honestly, if they can't at least hear you out, then Y'all need to rethink this whole best friend thing.
My ex and I were together for three years and if one of my friends asked if they could go out with him. I'd say go for it. Maybe they could give him happiness I never could. That's for them to find out on their journey. Not for me to get annoyed with because he might find someone before me. We should be happy to have our friends in our lives. Not trying to tear them down because they want to find happiness.
My conclusion is this, first and foremost, be there for your friend and have a conversation about the topic at hand. The conversation will eventually have to happen so why not do it sooner than later? Secondly, how do you personally feel about the whole situation? Like I said, each person is a different circumstance that you need to think about. Lastly, keep everyone's feelings in your mind but don't let it stop you from finding someone that might be the love of your life! We all deserve happiness.
Consensus:
Well, I think we see that for once we don't agree on a topic. What it does seem like though is that it's extremely important to understand not only how you feel but the other two parties as well. Each instance here has its own set of rules as well as its own set of emotions. So whether or not you are the best friend or the friend who's ex might be dating your best friend. Don't keep it hidden and try to be open about it all. Positives and Negatives. We don't need friends hating each other because one side wants to be happy for a change. The most important point we think is, that if HE or SHE is C.R.A.Z.Y. PLEASE RUN for YOUR LIFE. Sometimes you know It Just Be Like That.
Nash's Perspective:
So first let me start off with, if you don't know by now, I take a poll on Instagram of the question at hand the day before we post. (So follow me!) This is just to see what everyone thinks of the topic before my sister, and I respond. The results as of right now are: Yes - 27%//No - 73%. So by the looks of it. Y'all might agree with my sister. Here are my thoughts though,
1st I need to make a point that I do not believe in the whole "Girl Code, Bro Code" BS. Bro's before hoes and the female version of it is stupid. Now when it comes to dating via friends and exes. No finite answer can just solve all of our problems. Its a really loaded question that in some way shape or form can go off like a loaded gun at any moment within a friend group.
My thoughts are that it is 100% based on the circumstance that comes along with the break-up. So as the friend who is thinking about dating the ex. These are the questions that I would ask myself if I was in that type of situation. 1: How long ago did they break-up? 2: How long were they together? 3: Was the break-up mutual or onesided? 4: Is the ex crazy? 5: How does the friend feel about you dating the ex?
Here is how I would go to answering these questions. If they broke up six months or less, don't go for it. Each person deals with a break-up differently but six months is okay depending on the answer to the second question. Now if they were together for say 5 years, I would wait longer because that's a lot of time to be with someone and so it may take longer to get over them. If the break-up was a mutual thing, then there are no hard feelings, but you should keep both of the parties still in mind and not just yourself. I'ma just say this real quick. IF THE EX IS CRAZY. STAY AWAY. THEY SINGLE FOR A REASON. TOXICITY DOSENT BELONG IN ANYONE'S LIFE OKAY. Finally, just talk to the friend. They know more about how they feel than anyone else. If y'all are truly best friends then it should be an open conversation and honestly, if they can't at least hear you out, then Y'all need to rethink this whole best friend thing.
My ex and I were together for three years and if one of my friends asked if they could go out with him. I'd say go for it. Maybe they could give him happiness I never could. That's for them to find out on their journey. Not for me to get annoyed with because he might find someone before me. We should be happy to have our friends in our lives. Not trying to tear them down because they want to find happiness.
My conclusion is this, first and foremost, be there for your friend and have a conversation about the topic at hand. The conversation will eventually have to happen so why not do it sooner than later? Secondly, how do you personally feel about the whole situation? Like I said, each person is a different circumstance that you need to think about. Lastly, keep everyone's feelings in your mind but don't let it stop you from finding someone that might be the love of your life! We all deserve happiness.
Consensus:
Well, I think we see that for once we don't agree on a topic. What it does seem like though is that it's extremely important to understand not only how you feel but the other two parties as well. Each instance here has its own set of rules as well as its own set of emotions. So whether or not you are the best friend or the friend who's ex might be dating your best friend. Don't keep it hidden and try to be open about it all. Positives and Negatives. We don't need friends hating each other because one side wants to be happy for a change. The most important point we think is, that if HE or SHE is C.R.A.Z.Y. PLEASE RUN for YOUR LIFE. Sometimes you know It Just Be Like That.
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